Last year, I gave Amtrak a pretty scathing review. It was all true.
This year, I gave Amtrak a second chance. I’m really not that charitable. I was just desperate for a reasonable way to travel to see my family in Toledo and Southern Michigan without driving. Flying from Buffalo to Detroit is sort of silly. Sure, we are just at different ends of Lake Erie, but most airlines make you stop somewhere a little out of the way, like Memphis or Atlanta, or maybe even London. It winds up taking a LONG time and a LOT of money. That’s why I found myself back on Amtrak this past week- after my wonderful history with them.
Amtrak Story Part One: I departed my trip in Buffalo, New York. I was expecting the worst. I dreaded the journey. I walked into the station with too many bags, and two minutes before the train was scheduled to leave. Thank goodness it was ten minutes late- or I would have missed it! The counter clerk was very kind. He told me he couldn’t take checked-in bags less than a half hour from departure. When he saw my disappointment, he made a very charitable decision to take my baggage, check it in and put it on the train. That was really nice of him!
The man on the platform was cheery, friendly, funny and welcoming! He made me feel most appreciated. My spirits started feeling better. I got on the train and realized the car was newer, cleaner, more attractive and quieter than what I experienced last year. It was very well appointed with large, roomy seats and handsomely decorated in gray and dark blue upholstery and curtains. I had a double seat to myself so I could stretch out. To my surprise, a leg rest popped up and my seat reclined offering me a comfortable middle of the night ride. A small light on the ceiling illuminated the book I brought with me and the pull-down tray in front of me held my water bottle and cell phone. There was even an electric outlet to recharge my cell phone. How smart and courteous of Amtrak! This is so convenient for the customers- for many electronic devices. A porter politely passed out pillows to all. The train car was smooth, the ride was on time and even the restrooms were clean! I arrived in Toledo on time, relaxed and very pleased with my trip. In addition, my pockets were not much lighter- the fare was cheaper than gas in my car.
Amtrak Story Part Two: The Return to Buffalo. All honeymoons come to an end. I got back on the train in Toledo, Ohio to return home. I was so pleasantly surprised the train was ON TIME! This was a real improvement over last year. I actually looked forward to the relaxing ride home. It was a rare April snowstorm that caused the power outage in a small section of downtown Toledo. It happened to be the section where the train station is located. I arrived at a pitch black building without any security lights or emergency lights. No staff were outside. I thought maybe the station was closed. As I approached the building cautiously in the blackness, I saw a small light inside. There was someone with a flashlight at the desk deep in the building. They called over for me to come in. I walked toward the light, unsure if I was going to bump into anything. They did manage to get me and my son checked in on a laptop. I was quite grateful. They politely walked me to the train.
The man checking tickets at the door of the train car told me I’d have to walk several cars up the platform to the front of the train. This was a brief disagreement with another Amtrak worker. My son and I could not see the front of the train- as absolutely NO lights were on at the station or on the platform. I squinted up that way. The man said, “You see that silhouette of a person? Yah- go up to that shadow down there!” He turned away from me. My son and I walked very slowly- unsure as to our footing.
We reached the shadow. It was a very large white man with a pasty face who I later named Mister Dickwad. I handed him our tickets. My hands were trembling, (I’ll admit), due to nervousness of the situation. The blackout was a little scary- the station was something from a zombie movie or Night of the Comet. I smiled at him hoping for some reassurance. “Ah, Buffalo?” he said. I replied in the affirmative. “And they sent you up HERE to ME???” Affirmative response again. Though I told him there may have been a disagreement between workers. “No-” he said, waving his fat hand in my face, “You can sit up here, but there isn’t much room- I’m crowded.” I expressed my desire to have my son sit near me. “Well- I don’t know if that’s gonna happen. What are ya gonna do, cry about it?” He barked at me. I’m serious. That is what he said.
“No, I just won’t go on this trip,” was my answer. I meant it. Already I had 15 bad omens and now this jackass. I boarded the train with my son. We strolled up and down the car. No two seats were available together. I politely asked people if we could sit with them respectively so that we’d be across the aisle from each other. They were very nice. About 15 minutes into the trip, Mister Dickwad came down the aisle looking for the little scrap of cardstock on which they write a three-letter code for your destination. I only had one. I’m sure he gave us two, but in the blackout and during my astonishment, I must have dropped one or stuffed it somewhere. Mister Dickwad was pissed. “I gave you TWO!” He glared down at me. I smiled up at him thinking he had to be joking. “WELL? What did you DO??? EAT IT???” Several other passengers awoke to watch him berate me.
“Yes,” I replied, “That’s exactly what I did- I ate it. In the midst of a snowstorm, a , blackout. and the beginning of a six hour trip, I decided to eat that thing you gave me. I was starving.” He rolled his eyes at me and pursed his lips in disapproval. This would mean Mister Dickwad would have to expend the two calories to write another half cent piece of paper for me. Oh what a terrible inconvenience for him.
The rest of the trip proceeded as normal. The bathroom was filthy. The toilet was stopped up. No one came by with pillows. Nearing our stop in Buffalo, Mister Dickwad and his big mouth appeared. He was wandering up and down the aisles yelling out orders like a sixth grade gym teacher. “Now approaching Buffalo! Bring all of your trash to the receptacle at the front! Do NOT leave your trash! Put all of your seats in the UPRIGHT POSITION! Again- bring ALL of your TRASH!!!! Put your SEATS UP!!!” He barked this over and over, marching up and down the train car- stopping to yell at anyone still with their seat reclined. Did I mention not everyone was getting off at Buffalo?
Listen, Mister Dickwad, I hope somehow this blog finds you. I believe it was YOUR job to put our seats back up. I hope Amtrak reads this, checks the schedule and finds out who the hell you were. I hope that you get demoted. Oh wait- is there a position lower than yours?
By the way, Mister Dickwad, I hope you enjoyed the smell of the stopped up toilet all the way to New York City, you big fathead idiot who has so little control of his own life and emotions that he feels it necessary to bark out orders to paying customers in the middle of the night who just want peaceful rest on a train. Enjoy your impending layoff.
