You just can’t beat the great stuff at www.engrish.com , but I did find this awesome specimen while shopping at the “Chinese Dollar Store”, a.k.a. 99 City, in Amherst, New York.
I was excited to get this little flower dashboard thingy. If you haven’t seen one yet, they bounce up and down happily in the sunshine. (solar powered).
The package contains many helpful tips for operation of the little flower. They read as follows:
1.)In order not course the danger of asphyxial, please do no put the spare parts into the mouth.
2.) In order not course the danger of swallowing, forbidden to give the toy not playing to the Children who are not enough 3 years old.
3.) In order not course the danger asphyxial, please do not cover the plastic bag on the head or face.
4.)In order to avoid accident, please safekeeping the toy that make sure who are not enough 3 years old not reach the toy.
5.) Please do not shake and haul the toy.
6.) Please do not use the sun energy battery tough and don’t throw it away.
So…. it’s a rainy Tuesday afternoon and I was trapped in the car running errands. Luckily, I had my camera in my purse so I could create this fascinating photo journal of my day. Bah hah hah.
Will the REAL vice presidential candidate please stand up? Okay- I have a question, America! HOW COME WE NEVER SEE SARAH PALIN AND MARIE OSMOND IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME?
Hmmmmm? Hmmmmm? You don’t have an answer, do ya?
That thinly veiled disguise of rimless glasses can’t protect you, Marie! We know that you not only conquered the world of ballroom dancing but you are now on to infiltrate the Executive Branch of the United States Government!
By the way, people, the glasses on “Sarah” look a tad bit lesbo, don’t they? I’ve seen photos of Sarah Palin with a frigging scary looking gun- this woman is butch, people! I think this woman is more butch than John McCain! The flippy up high pony tail is also no disguise.
So, Marie, er, Sarah, er whatever your name REALLY is: I have your number!
Oh. My. Gawd. It has taken approximately 7 1/2 hours to bring you this post so you better goddamn enjoy it!
First of all- “Blogging for Dummies” is over my head. I admit it. I need “Tripod for Retards”. Remember Tripod? ANYBODY and I mean anybody could have a Tripod website. You just had to click some shit and you were online. So I figured having a blog would be about the same, right? Right???
Oh no no no no no. That’s not exactly all there is to it. You don’t get to just go to some damn website and click the pretty backgrounds of your choice and then insert photos and text anywhere you want with a click of your mouse.
So far today, I have had three or four meltdowns. The first one was that all of my little tabs on top took you to an Error 404 “File Not Found” black hole. Although it was not their problem, I called my webhosting people LiquidWed. God Bless You, Andy at LiquidWeb. God Bless You for sticking with me through my damn awful shitty Target brand cordless phone conversation that was cutting in and out as you patiently listened to my first meltdown of the day. Iris fixed it for me while Andy put me on hold. It turns out it was something Iris did that she thought she had to do for security reasons, and she didn’t have to do it and somehow it was not allowing us to make new pages. But Iris fixed it. Then Iris and Andy (LiquidWeb) had a nice conversation.
The next meltdown came when I couldn’t upload photos. hahahahaha. I still can’t upload photos. Don’t ask me how I got that one on here because you’ll laugh your ass off. It involves pretending to remember html from the 90’s to get an image on here. Guess that still works.
The last straw was getting the photos from the camera to the computer. Oh that’s a cute little funny one. You see, we bought our teenage daughter what we thought was a really nice digital camera for Christmas a couple of years ago. Turns out we were mistaken and it’s actually a little $150 piece of shit. So she abandoned it with us when she went to college. But she put inside of it a small little memory card and took the big memory card it came with to college with her. So… needless to say, all the little photos I’ve been snapping for a few days for my exciting new blog were actually not being kept on the little memory card. hahahah. Isn’t that cute?
You see, I am actually recouperating from what may have been called a nervous breakdown. hahahah. Yah, probably. And this BLOG, this beautiful blog, is my creative outlet. My way to unwind. My relaxation and hobby. Definitely going to lower my blood pressure and give me the freedom and creative satisfaction I’ve been craving.
Right? Oh, by the way, can you please pass me the Ativan? Thanks.
