Please stop reading this blog right now. Just stop reading it and then back up your entire hard drive. I’m so serious.

“What? Even if it crashes, the guy will just transfer my old stuff into the new one.” Nope- do NOT count on that.

It is my living nightmare. A few weeks ago, my computer just froze up. I tried to get to the task manager but couldn’t. I tried to restart but couldn’t. I did a hard-boot and when it started back up, it got stuck infinitely in the start up cycle.

I had a technician come to the house and he diagnosed it as having a bad hard drive. The error was telling him it had overheated. Oh, don’t worry- nine times out of ten we’ll just move your stuff to an external hard drive or a destop in your house. (he said)

Alas, he nonchalantly sucked on his pen and said, “it doesn’t look good. I’m only getting like 10 to 15 files and then it stops.” I was sort of in disbelief.

So, he said not to worry he’d take it home where it could have more time. But then he didn’t call me for a couple of days. Then explained he had been on vacation. Then a half hour later said it was going to be impossible to retrieve any of my data.

I don’t know what possibly happened in that time for him to think it was impossible. He tells me, “they have mail away services you can use but it’ll cost you thousands”.

So, he flippantly hands it back to me while checking his texts and heading out to his car in his sockless feet and orange surfer shorts.

I am left alone with a malfunctioning piece of metal that somehow contains all of the precious photos of my children, the last remaining photo of my deceased father, the only visual of his very elegant handwriting, all of my gallery work, all of my home business work, contracts, tenant issues and important evidence for an upcoming court case. But I cannot get it out.

So, as Sockless Shortsman told me to do, I googled “data retrieval” and “hard drive recovery” and found a bazillion places, all with similiar stock photography of keyboards and the usual list of services. I read through them all. They all sound the same.

Then just to be sure I type in the name of the one with the lowest prices, the guarantees, the most information.. but I type “complaints” at the end… and google provided me with hundreds of complaints about this business. People saying they were ripped off, their data held hostage, their harddrives never returned. Then google showed me a video from a newscast in Los Angeles which you can see right here:

http://www.myfoxla.com/dpp/news/investigative/Data_Recovery_Scams_20090727

Go ahead. Watch it.

Scares ya, doesn’t it? Just a little bit. Think you are still safe? Think again. Even online backup services have consumer complaints.

So, I basically researched the consultant in the news clip thinking that they probably stand the best chance of being honest if they have been in business 20 years and featured as experts in the field on a Los Angeles newscast.

I traced the name of the TV station and the brief mention of their company. They are ITS from Chatsworth, California. (That’s the Valley, folks, ohmahgawd!)

I contacted them today and after filling out an online inquiry, received a quote based on the general approxiimation of the quantity of data I have to be retrieved. They have sent me back a job number and shipping information. I am emailing with the owner, the guy from the news himself.

I am going to pack up this valuable hunk of information and send it off to them. I am so hoping they can get my info. I mean, if data can be retrieved from burned up or flooded hard drives surely they can get mine back, right? right?

I mean, will I see my dad’s face again? Will I see my son as a smiling little baby playing with a fluffy kitten ever again? I am counting on them.

Take a moment and think about what you have stored on your computer. Would it upset you to lose anything? If so, please back it up now. Back it up online and back it up to an external device. Please.

I will keep you updated on the condition of the hard drive and this process as part of one of my consumer reports. Let’s hope it works. Please. I have so much on there. What a fool I am.

I think I’ve mentioned that we live in an area that is frequently invaded by Canadians armed with credit cards and a falling American dollar, who come to shop shop shop. They don’t have Target in Canada, and their grocery selection sucks… so my town is completely invaded.

Most out of town plates I see are from Ontario- but I spotted an Alberta one the other day. It was on a truck that had wording on it that read, “Real Trucks Don’t Need Spark Plugs”. What the HELL does that mean???

Also, the personalized licence plate made no sense to me.

FTMCMRY

That’s the licence plate. What does that mean????

I have come up with a few ideas:
“Fuck the Mighty Camry”
“Full Time Motor Cycle Mary”
“Fort McMurray”
“Free the Mean Cat, Murray”
“Free Time Makes Carlos Mean Ray”

Does anybody know what any of this means???

What is it about lesbians and home depot? Someone really ought to do a sociological study. I swear we spend almost as much time at home depot as we do Tops (the local grocery store). We have a million unfinished projects to prove it too. It’s a nice Saturday afternoon, we are cruising around in the car, the children are at home, we could go anywhere in the whole world. How have we ended up at home depot again? We have gone without food, clothing, etc. all because our budget was spent at home depot. Today is no different.

It is early in the day, we are both off work, what should we do? Okay we have a back deck project, all we need are five 1×6 treated deck planks and two hours to replace a couple of boards. Simple right? Off we go to home depot. First thing we notice is the large summer clearance section, which wasn’t there two days ago on the last trip. We are hypnotized, we have stepped into a vortex, space and time are shifting. There is the big gazebo we have been dreaming about for two years. We have looked at it a hundred times, talked about how nice it would look in the back yard. Wow, it is now fifty percent off, only two left. We do have a couple of problems. One- We are broke. I mean not really broke, but we are way over budget already this month. Second- We own a very small sub-compact car. This gazebo is in a box bigger than our car. Do these small problems stop us? Hell no, we are lesbians! Just as we are contemplating if my case of bungee cords will hold this on the top of the car a sign appears. No, I mean a real sign. “Won’t fit in your car? Rent a Home Depot truck. Quick. Easy. $19.95 first 75 minutes.” It might as well have been a sign from God. Well gee, now we have a gazebo and a truck to transport it what are we going to do about furniture. The porch furniture is after all porch furniture. We need gazebo furniture. Hey didn’t we see this oval double lounger at this other store on clearance, but didn’t have anywhere to put it? We call them up just to make sure they still have it and ask if they will hold it for half an hour. This is great! This is fun!

By the way didn’t we come here to get something?

I was at first shocked to hear of Sunday’s shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville. My first sad thought- I looked over at Iris and said, “I’ll bet this was a hate crime against UU’s or something.”

Unfortunately, I was right. It seems the shooter, an unemployed daily drinker whose foodstamps had just been decreased, had expressed a hatred for gays and lesbians, liberals and accused liberals of taking the jobs of upstanding conservatives such as himself.

He entered the church on Sunday during a play put on by the small congregation’s children- with about 200 church and family members in attendance. Two people were killed and several more were injured. He left what news sources are referring to as a “four page manifesto” spouting diatribes against liberals, gays and lesbians.

The FBI is investigating this as a hate crime and rightly so. I am a member of The First UU Church of Niagara right here in downtown Niagara Falls. It is a small but beautiful congregation filled with love and compassion.
I became a member almost five years ago. I was struck by “What UUs Believe” and felt that I had finally found a loving and accepting home in a church that I could bring my family to. Our entire family has found fellowship and friendship beyond our wildest expections in this small church.

However, I am not surprised that there are people who hate us because of our beliefs. It is unfortunate, but since the large swing toward social conservatism in the United States, there seems to be developing an increasing hostility of cultural differences. The intolerants have found a voice in the media and power in the voting booths. We have become Intolerant of Intolerants and have starting speaking up. We are growing farther and farther apart.

But I’d like to step back for just one moment, as a target of hate, and lay down my cross of victimization for a few. Let’s reflect for one moment that this action of violence, of hatred, of murderous rage… it has brought us together with even the most conservative of other religions in the United States.

In December of 2007, an armed gunman opened fire at New Life Church in Colorado. In October of 2006, in terroristic fashion, a shooter walked into an Amish School and systematically shot six little girls to death.

I’d like to think about what we Unitarian Universalists can learn about forgiveness from the Amish. Can we find it in ourselves to forgive this hate crime? I feel that we can. I feel that together all religions may be able to respect in each other the right to believe in our faiths and be safe and accepted in our fellowships.

As Unitarian Universalists, I am sure we are going to be able to set aside revenge and seek peace and justice. We will be there to support each other within our congregation and reach out to the Knoxville church. We will learn to trust our UU principles to find the inherent dignity of every person, and work toward the goal of world community.

I don’t understand why some men think that it is okay to pee outdoors, in public! I realize this is probably a class issue… but now I wonder, is it? This afternoon I drove by the main bus station to see a man standing on a very busy street, zipping his pants back up, facing the street. There is a restroom inside that building!!! I slowed the car and yelled out the window, “People cannot PEE outside!!!!” He just laughed at me.

My daughter says “Dude,” (that’s me-dude), “Haven’t you walked to the convenient store lately?” Yah I have. And guess what? There happened to be a man peeing outside on the front of the store. And across from the convenient store, I saw a different man peeing in the entrance to a commercial building! Okay, these are probably not the pillars of society we are talking about.

I had already thought about blogging about it today. I am trying to leave my hatred skepticism of men out of it, but I have figured out is not class-based.

Tonight I watched the 11pm news on Buffalo’s Channel 7, WKBW, reporting from the wonderful free concerts called Thursday in the Square. Even though there are a lot port-a-johns, men are walking up to the outside of them and peeing on them. Has no one ever taught boys that it is NOT okay to pee outside? I just can’t beleive it! Why would this ever ever be socially acceptable?

With a little research, I discovered this was actually an article in today’s Buffalo News. I think this demonstrates the larger double standard in our society, that women are supposed to be neat, tidy, proper and polite yet it is acceptable (maybe even the norm) for men to be filthy, disgusting narcissists.

Is it not narcissistic to piss on the front door of a building that other people need to use? Is it not narcissistic to refuse to wait in line for a public restroom? How about peeing on a busy street just steps from a free clean restroom? Are they compelled to show us their penises? And further more, why does it seem everyone thinks it’s funny when men pee outside? I’m not laughing. I’m disgusted. Ugh. Pass me the hand sanitizer. Maybe I can walk through one of those sanitizing trays they used in Britain during the Mad Cow outbreak… just to get men’s piss cooties off of my shoes before I enter my own home.

I know I’m getting older. I have a whole arsenal of anti-aging, wrinkle remover, skin firming, etc. crap in the bathroom so no one has to tell me about getting old. It’s happening and I can’t stop it, but I never have to grow up inside.

I passed this empty lot almost daily, then I noticed some kind of excavation and landscaping, soon it was taking shape as a playground. I love playgrounds! Finally after July 4th I noticed it was open. Nor-Loc Playground. Lets go home for comfortable shoes! I want to play.


I had such a good time! Poppy isn’t very athletic, but I did get her in the firetruck with me. We made siren and honking sounds and the firetruck is on springs so it bounces around! Who really cares what those other kids thought. We are just so easily amused.

I have been dreading this for a long time. My best friend passed away and I had to return to Ohio for his funeral. Not just Ohio mind you, but the Southern Appalachia part of Ohio, which is also a bastion of fundamentalist “born again” christians. Those wonderful loving human beings that are just stoking the fires of hell for the likes of me. It is always a frightening experience returning to where I grew up. I never felt I really belonged and was quite relieved to find, despite what I had been taught, a whole world existed where I could be myself and not be beaten, humiliated, and tortured for who I am. I was finally invited to my 25th high school reunion last year (the first time I had been invited) and was pleasantly surprised to find it only took 25 years for everyone to grow up. They were even very accepting of my wife and we had a blast.

I did have several crying breakdowns as I drove just thinking about going “home”. New York doesn’t believe in spending money on road maintenance or speed control so I made good time the whole way. Pennsylvania was also pretty uneventful although I ran into some road work. I knew right away when I hit the Ohio line. The traffic cops were spaced about every 10 miles and so was the road work. Don’t ever speed in Ohio, especially if you are from out of state or you may find yourself on the television series “Locked Up Abroad”. I could tell I was really getting close though when the radio reception narrowed to fire and brimstone preachers and country/bluegrass stations. People in Southern Ohio don’t realize what an accent they have and some people need a translator at this point. I have played back answering machine messages for my New York friends and they are like “What language is that? Don’t they speak english in Ohio?”. I also have a toothbrushing phobia because you can tell how old people are by how many teeth they have left. Of course this may be due in part to unflouridated well water, but all the same it is scary. I know I am being a bit harsh, but this is an area where several “Matthew Shephard” incidents have happened and nobody seems to think it is a problem. So yes I am bitter.

I am certain I have arrived when I stop for gas. I get out of the car, insert my card, and get a scrolling message to insert my membership card first. Mind you I am in a terrible hurry to get to my friends viewing (first New York stereotype). An attendant approaches and asks if I need assistance. I inquire about the “membership” card message. He explains it is a “members only” gas station and asks if I am a member. I reply of course I am not a member because I am from New York and they don’t have these stupid gas stations in New York (second New York stereotype). He says to my back as I am getting in the car “have a nice day”. I turn around and say “f— you too” and get in my car (third New York stereotype). Just remember the New York stereotype is just a facade to keep dumb ass mid-westerners from moving here. I have done my job well!

More on the actual visit tomorrow.

Oh. My. Gawd. It has taken approximately 7 1/2 hours to bring you this post so you better goddamn enjoy it!
First of all- “Blogging for Dummies” is over my head. I admit it. I need “Tripod for Retards”. Remember Tripod? ANYBODY and I mean anybody could have a Tripod website. You just had to click some shit and you were online. So I figured having a blog would be about the same, right? Right???
Oh no no no no no. That’s not exactly all there is to it. You don’t get to just go to some damn website and click the pretty backgrounds of your choice and then insert photos and text anywhere you want with a click of your mouse.
So far today, I have had three or four meltdowns. The first one was that all of my little tabs on top took you to an Error 404 “File Not Found” black hole. Although it was not their problem, I called my webhosting people LiquidWed. God Bless You, Andy at LiquidWeb. God Bless You for sticking with me through my damn awful shitty Target brand cordless phone conversation that was cutting in and out as you patiently listened to my first meltdown of the day. Iris fixed it for me while Andy put me on hold. It turns out it was something Iris did that she thought she had to do for security reasons, and she didn’t have to do it and somehow it was not allowing us to make new pages. But Iris fixed it. Then Iris and Andy (LiquidWeb) had a nice conversation.
The next meltdown came when I couldn’t upload photos. hahahahaha. I still can’t upload photos. Don’t ask me how I got that one on here because you’ll laugh your ass off. It involves pretending to remember html from the 90’s to get an image on here. Guess that still works.
The last straw was getting the photos from the camera to the computer. Oh that’s a cute little funny one. You see, we bought our teenage daughter what we thought was a really nice digital camera for Christmas a couple of years ago. Turns out we were mistaken and it’s actually a little $150 piece of shit. So she abandoned it with us when she went to college. But she put inside of it a small little memory card and took the big memory card it came with to college with her. So… needless to say, all the little photos I’ve been snapping for a few days for my exciting new blog were actually not being kept on the little memory card. hahahah. Isn’t that cute?
You see, I am actually recouperating from what may have been called a nervous breakdown. hahahah. Yah, probably. And this BLOG, this beautiful blog, is my creative outlet. My way to unwind. My relaxation and hobby. Definitely going to lower my blood pressure and give me the freedom and creative satisfaction I’ve been craving.
Right? Oh, by the way, can you please pass me the Ativan? Thanks.

If you can read this post, it’s a frigging miracle because we don’t know what the hell we are doing here.

But please come back because it should be goddamn hilarious to watch us try to make a blog.