Everyone remember this commercial?

This week our son had a headcold or some sort of allergy mess. Within a day, it involved a fever and we broke out the full arsenel of logical medications for him. Within three days, I had it too and then I broke out my irrational weapons to fight illness.

First you should know, I fight every illness with Vicks VapoRub and you should too. This is what my Polish Grandma taught me. Vicks is a cure all. Whatever aills you, rub that magical goo outside of what aills you and you will be fixed up by morning. I’m wondering what the scientific possibilities of this would be and I can only wonder if it somehow increases blood flow in an area and fixes things? Or is it merely psychological because my Polish Grandma knew how to fix anything?

So my ailment included stuffed up ears that caused me to go almost entirely deaf. It was worse than airplane hearing. Then, my eartubes started aching like they had been radiated at Chernobyl or something. If that weren’t enough, my nerves got all pinched up that connect my neck to my shoulders so it hurt like hell to hold my head up or lay it down. Then the final little cherry on the cake, was that when I swallowed, little tiny butcher knives came out of my ear drainage tubes and stabbed the inside of my throat repeatedly.

There were only going to be two solutions: ativan and vick’s vaporub.

Hmm, first medication aside, I took a super hot shower and then proceeded to rub my entire neck and shoulders in Vick’s. Then, I wrapped a giant white bathtowel around my neck so I sort of looked like that fat man in the Brady Bunch episode who claimed he had whiplash? Then I proceeded to pop two super mentholated cough drops. OooOOoooH. I was mentholating from the inside out and the outside in. (No, this still doesn’t involve Ricola-keep reading).

Then, something magical happened. No, I didn’t feel better- but medication Number One kicked in. Ahhh… sweet sleep.

I awoke still wrapped in the towel neck brace and still stinking of Vick’s. In fact, my doggy tried to lick the Vick’s off of me as if she were saving me from something. But I could move my head without pain and I could swallow without the little butcher knives coming out. The mentholating had saved my life.

I might want to pause and mention here, that I don’t beleive my stiff neck had anything to do with meningitis. I had no fever. I don’t think it had to do with the knives in my throat. I think it had to do with a conversation I had with my alcoholic mother earlier the day of the stiff neck. Yah.

Okay… so I get back in the shower to get the Vick’s off of me and start my New Life. I put on clean matching clothes and strive to be normal. I knew my throat was still scratchy and my ears a little stuffy. I would need a throat lozenge or cough drop to take around with me during the day. I went to the drugstore and picked out my old favorite: Ricola!

If the absolutely BEAUTIFUL package were not enough reason to buy this things, it has to be the cool factor that you are eating these lozenges with flowers and herbs on the outside. It’s natural! Or at least appears to be. Well, compared to the glow-in-the-dark mentholating I had the night before.

I don’t know if you eat Ricola, but I am telling you that you should! They transcend every socio-politico-economic class. In making no statement, they announce their hipness by being a dork. Eat some flowers in the form of an sweet little amber block of yummy yumness named Ricola! Do it!