Yay! I planted my only bulbs for this Falls. Three LARGE Allium- Purple Sensation. I have purchased many fall bulbs and have never actually planted them. Maybe I did once or twice but they were dug up by animals.

This year, I went small, buying just 3 bulbs and planting them in a corner of a front flower bed. (North facing- rare to get sun except on one corner.) I then put half of my rock collection on top of them so that the black squirrels couldn’t dig them back up. In Spring, I’ll dig out some snow over there and remove the rocks so that the bulbs can grow. Maybe like April.

Well, this is that time of year. The time of year when I normally have a breakdown. I guess I have some sort of issues with the holiday season- issues buried so deep I don’t know about them. (?) Why else would I get crazy every year at this time?

It’s just the adjustment. I wrote all summer dreading the coming of winter. And here I sit already, in six inches of snow with a howling wind and temps in the 20’s. It’s dark at 5pm. The backyard is all packed up and the friendly front porches are empty and desolate. My beautiful tall zebra grass has been chopped down for the year. It’s sleeping. Waiting for spring. Long wait.

My mind is again swimming in art and ideas. I can’t quite grasp what the “real artists” have. I am so turned around by looking at Mixed Media Art. I can do that, I tell myself. That’s beautiful. That is in my mind, why can’t I put it on paper? Why can’t I make it?

I’m really exploring polyshrink right now. Another juxtaposition- trying to use real art and combine it with kitsch to express my sense of humor. It is and isn’t working. The sizing isn’t right- the drawings are a little wierd. And I keep looking at “real art” and having an inferiority complex.

I’m trying to learn Photoshop Elements- which is a cluster fuck and not at all what I was used to with good plain old Adobe Photoshop that used to be on my computer at the NACC. I just want to open a frigging image and change it. I don’t want to hear about selections and layers. Just let me frigging change it and cut and paste parts and draw on it. What the fuck is all that shit?

To top it off, I have too many ideas and before I can get one out- I come up with another. I wonder if there is a syndrome called PMS-PMD-ADD-ADHD because if so, I have it.

Did I mention I don’t feel like cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year? How come we are never invited to anyone’s house?

Today at 11:44 am Eastern Time, the sun crossed the equator officially ushering in the Fall season and the day and night are equally timed.

Today, seven triangles become visible thanks to shadows and the design of the Mayans at Chichen Itza. Many Wiccans and Pagans will celebrate the harvest and thanksgiving. Many Japanese will consider their lives, gratitude and holiness on six days of reflection. And many schoolkids will be the victim of a trickster- and see if they can get an egg to balance standing up.

Here in Niagara Falls, I will deny the passing of the summer. The first step of the grieving process. Refusing to believe that in probably one month we will already have had our first snow. Not wanting to accept that I won’t be able to enjoy the fresh breeze going through my house for at least six months.

Dreading the fact that I have to drag out that damn winter coat again soon- and scrape the windshield before I go anywhere.

I’ll sneer in the direction of Australia and the southern hemisphere, jealous of them for stealing the sun- knowing they are just heading into a beautiful Spring- the very beginning.

Oh well, I better stop reflecting about this. Maybe just maybe there are some good things about it. I can finally cook in my oven again. Screw it- that’s all I can think of. Time to go out and rake up the damn walnuts from the backyard.