What does it fucking take to get a mother fucking VACUUM that mother fucking works at least 50% of the fucking time? In the name of SAINT ANTHONY someone please tell me how I can have a fucking reliable vacuum cleaner that will fucking SUCK when I want it to SUCK literally and not just sit around my house like a sucky piece of living shit reminding me of my failure to dominate fucking home appliances???

Dear Fucking Vacuum,

I have so fucking had it with YOU. You son of a bitching fucking no good bastard. I am so fucking tired of seeing your smirking fucking face standing in that fucking corner daring me to try to vacuum because every time I do, you are a fucked up little bastard spewing dust all over the fucking place.

I hope you’re happy now you stupid bastard- wiped that grin off your face, didn’t I? Now that you stand there, leaning onto a fucking snow drift out front, your fucking hose half trailing behind you- your fucking dust cloud settled onto your torso like a fucking badge of shame for all the neighborhood to see!

You FUCKING thought I’d fucking bow down in front of you again and clean all the fucking dust off of you? You thought I’d fucking stick that goddamn unbent clothes hanger up and down your fucking tube trying to fix you… to see what fucking molecule of sawdust is preventing you from working in any effective manner at all… you fucking primadonna. One FUCKING molecule and you stop working… just wedged in the wrong place- as if I need a vacuum to vacuum the vacuum?

OH NO. Nono nononononono I will NOT play your little games anymore you stupid bastard. I have killed before. Oh yes, just ask my mother’s little canister vacuum from Sears that wouldn’t go up the stairs. Oh wait, you can’t ask it- it’s DEAD. LONG DEAD and it’s body abandoned in a dump somewhere on a junkheap barge out floating around Lake Erie. Maybe swirling in the trash island of the north atlantic- it’s rubber parts nipped off by desperately hungry sea animals.

Oh that same fate awaits you you bastard. But not until I am done torturing you. First you will sit out there in SHAME. Let the neighbors see what a piece of shit you are. Then- the trash pickers will come. They’ll be confused because you are missing bits and pieces- and they can’t take you- but they’ll put their alcoholic child molesting hands all over you- visions of chopping you into parts in their heads before they’ll pass you up because not EVEN the alcoholic TRASH PICKERS want you.

We all know your little game. I only wanted ONE THING out of you and YOU REFUSED TO DO IT. So fuck off now you bagless heap of plastic SHIT.

And don’t come crying to me when a seagull has eaten off your cord and belt. Fucker. You picked the wrong fucking chick to fuck with this time.

Hey Hey Sarah! We LOVE that hopey-changey thing. It’s working out pretty well. We have averted a complete depression, stimulus money is helping our communities and there is humor and optimism in the White House!

I’m proposing we all write HOPE and CHANGE on our hands to show our support of the USA!

Tonight I made a warm & comforting simple Polish American dish called “Lazy Pierogi”. It is called lazy because it’s sort of a skillet-casserole meal.

If you acre from a Polish family you will know that it takes all day to make the real thing- pierogi. The dough needs to be mixed and rolled out. The various fillings prepared- potato, sauerkraut, cheese, etc…
and then you have to boil your pierogi and wrap it up to be frozen.

This dish captures the flavors of pierogi, (at least a little bit), and yet you can make it in less than an hour with little preparation.

Here go the instructions:

Ingredients:
1 pound cooked egg noodles
1 pound bacon
1 onion, diced
1 can (14 oz) sauerkraut drained & rinsed
1 can (8 oz) mushrooms, drained
1 lg. can cream of mushroom soup condensed

Fry bacon, set aside. Discard all but a little bacon grease. In same pan, fry sauerkraut, diced onion, and mushrooms. Break bacon into pieces and stir into frying pan. Add the most important ingredient to any meal, love. In separate casserole dish, mix cooked noodles, cream of mushroom soup (condensed), and fried sauerkraut mixture (once onions are tender). Cover and place in oven for 35 to 40 minutes. Serves a big Polish family.

Have you ever heard of a postcard swap?

You can read all about it here…. but basically, you just go THIS WEBSITE and read about the swap and then join it! The deadline is February 7th so do it today!

You will basically make 10 postcards, “any style (do collage, mixed media, print your own photos, print digital collages, create flat fabric art, alter an existing postcard in your paper stash (!), paint with watercolors, draw mandalas, make postcards with a scrapbook style, embellished, painted, embroidered, etc)!”

…and then you will get 10 in the mail back from other folks!

Call it a hiatus, a holiday break… a seasonal slump, I just haven’t been writing much and I don’t really know why.

Maybe it’s my first really serious bout of Blogger’s Block, but for the life of me I just haven’t had any idea what I want to share here or how to get started writing again.

I was reading Brian Clark’s article, Blogging Is Dead (Again) and it motivated me to just sit and type something, anything into this blog and publish it.

I can agree that social networking has taken some of my steam out of the blog. I share my daily life on Facebook and Twitter with the folks I know and that sort of fulfills my need to explain what I’m doing.

In addition, it’s winter. Just damn winter. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve spent a lot of energy on crafting and art. Cleaning the house and struggling to stay awake in between. This is the time of year when we are all getting into a slump here in northern climates. I predict within three weeks almost every office will have a controversy and every organization a disagreement.

My theory? People just start to really really dislike other people when we have to see too many of them. In the warm months, we are looking at the sky and the trees and the grass. We are travelling and gardening. We are walking and swimming. In the winter, we are trapped indoors dealing with other people.

I am a paradox. I’m an extroverted people disliker. I claim not to like other people then I can’t stop talking to them.

All I can say is: I’m still here. I suck. Oh well.

You just can’t beat the great stuff at www.engrish.com , but I did find this awesome specimen while shopping at the “Chinese Dollar Store”, a.k.a. 99 City, in Amherst, New York.

I was excited to get this little flower dashboard thingy. If you haven’t seen one yet, they bounce up and down happily in the sunshine. (solar powered).

The package contains many helpful tips for operation of the little flower. They read as follows:

1.)In order not course the danger of asphyxial, please do no put the spare parts into the mouth.

2.) In order not course the danger of swallowing, forbidden to give the toy not playing to the Children who are not enough 3 years old.

3.) In order not course the danger asphyxial, please do not cover the plastic bag on the head or face.

4.)In order to avoid accident, please safekeeping the toy that make sure who are not enough 3 years old not reach the toy.

5.) Please do not shake and haul the toy.

6.) Please do not use the sun energy battery tough and don’t throw it away.

Outside the rain is gently falling- the first time in years we’ve had a green Christmas! (and I am grateful for it.) The house is warm and the tree is blinking- the smell of ham is filling up the air- calling to my belly. The children have gone out of state for the holidays this year so Iris and I are home alone with the fuzzie children. Consider it empty nest practice.

Our empty nest practice for Christmas went well. For the first time in many years, we celebrated Christmas Eve with friends by going to Betty J and Betty L’s house. I brought the movie Elf, (which they had never seen), and they made a dinner of ham, german potato salad, rye bread and cole slaw. It was delicious! I made friends with one of their cats by giving into her pleas for a little bite of ham every 30 seconds. We exchanged simple gifts and enjoyed either Egg Nog or Mocha Kahlua. Everyone loved Elf! It was a big hit- and I’m glad because that is my favorite Christmas movie made since 1970.

Iris and I found our way home slowly on Christmas Eve night- watching as all the streets began to empty as people found their way to their homes to settle in and wait for Santa Claus. We spotted the Jolly Old Elf in Amherst on Sheridan Drive! I stopped and took his photo. I asked him what he was up to and he explained that as he went down a chimney of a very respected gastroenterologist in Amherst, he accidentally broke his wished for tennis racquet. He had to run out to Dick’s Sporting Goods on his magic motorcycle, (he couldn’t bring the whole sleigh and reindeer- there was just no parking with all the Canadians at Boulevard Mall). Anyway, crisis averted- Santa got the exact same model and took it to the GI doctor’s house very carefully!


As we went home, we listened to Christmas carols on the radio and sang along. Iris has a beautiful singing voice. We looked at all the Christmas lights and reminisced about how we’d take the kids out to see Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. They used to really love it. Then they got big and one of them said, “I really don’t want to be stuck in a car driving around just to see crappy lights stapled to people’s houses!”. hahhahaha….. Now Iris and I can drive around in peace and sing just as loud as we want.

We came home and hurriedly wrapped presents. We were almost too excited to sleep. Well, Iris was too excited to sleep. I put my headphones on in bed and listened to Coast to Coast AM and gently dozed off. I was woken by Iris standing at the foot of the bed at 2:15 yelling, “Poppy! Poppy! Santa came! Santa came!” She was holding a bunch of presents. It was wonderful! She jumped in bed with all the presents. Sitting in bed with all 5 doggies, and a pile of comforters, we opened up all of our presents right then and there! I got a weather station, which I always wanted!!!


Iris got a miracle present. She had been wishing all year that she could buy chocolate covered cherries without the cherries- and SHE GOT THEM!!! It turns out that Hershey’s had made these wonderful Cherry Cordial Kisses with the creme in the middle but not the cherry! Iris is so excited- I think this present eclipsed all the other ones!


I piled up all my gifts next to the bed and we fell back asleep. I was too excited to fall asleep for a long time, trying to figure out where I can place my new wind speed indicator.

We woke up and because we were having our own Christmas, I could do whatever I wanted and so I brushed my hair and my teeth, put on my new jewelry and my new pajamas, wore my new slippers and that was my outfit for the whole day!

This evening we will dine on ham and watch Christmas Vacation and the Christmas Story.

Merry Christmas Everyone from Iris and Poppy!